My First Millennial Heartbreak

Artwork by  Mattheous  via DeviantArt

Artwork by Mattheous via DeviantArt

09/01/2014 12:37 PM

I’m Sorry.

09/01/2014 2:52 PM

Can we talk?

09/01/2014 6:17 PM

So are you not going to talk to me anymore?

09/01/2014 11:22 PM

Can you please call me back?

09/02/2014 10:15 AM

Babe please just two weeks ago we were very happy together please don’t throw away this chance because of the other night.

12:02 PM

Please find it in your heart to just understand that I need you here and I’m so heartbroken. I’m so sorry about that fight last weekend. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions and got angry and stressed you out I won’t react that way ever again I promise. I love you and I want to be with you and only you babe.

5:11 PM

I blocked you on FB because I didn’t want to worry about our fight anymore. I’m sorry if it was childish I was just trying to protect my heart.

6:22 PM

I want to be in a loving relationship with you and I want it to work sooooooo badly but you flip flop all the time and so I try to a wall to not get so close to you but life is too precious. My childhood is fleeting and I’m seeing that my home for many years will be taken away from me because of everyone’s lives’ changing drastically. I want the people I live in my life to experience it with me. I know that you love me and you are in a negative place from that fight and the ongoing stress but babe please just try to remember how it feels when we are happy together. I can recall moments of pure bliss like when you just call me Boom Boom or how a week ago when I met with you for burgers and you pulled me towards you to sit on your lap and greeted me with a kiss, or watching you get so excited watching movie trailers or hearing you talk about what you’re passionate about. These among other small things mean sooooo much to me. I’m sorry babe for stressing you our and if I hurt you lately.

11:19 PM

I get so emotional and sensitive w you sometimes because it feels like you don’t even notice that you’re constantly dropping my heart that is unwittingly in your hands so I become protective of myself against you but then I get torn bc I know you’re not intentionally trying to hurt me. I believe your love for me.

09/03/2014 3:15 PM

Please consider meeting me in Miami tomorrow. Let’s put that fight behind us and try to focus on  the good times and the love we’ve had for each other before that. We were really enjoying each other babe! Can’t we go back that loving place again? I don’t want to put any kind of restrictions on you so you’re free to do what you want because I love you and respect you and trust the respect you have for me and I’m sorry I acted out of my jealousy and insecurity and stress from being in New York. My parents are excited to have you here, they love having their daughters’ friends/loved ones in their home.

9/16/2014 2:11 PM

Can we talk on the phone por favor?

9/19/2014 7:11 PM

Babe I will respect your space bc I love you and understand this is what you need to heal but for me to heal I would love to talk to you and have support.

9/19/2014 9:29 PM

LLL

9/19/2014 11:10 PM

Can I call to say good night please?

9/23/2014 12:13 PM

You have your space what I need is a conversation from you.

3:50 PM

Please stop ignoring me.

This is so mean just talk to me please.

9/26/2014

Please just say somethdfg just anything please I’m begging yo7u why are you doing this?

10/01/2014 1:37 PM

There’s a word I’d like to share with you. It’s boulversé, French for Love stricken. As a verb, it means to shake, to strike to cause a strong emotion.

10/10/2014 8:19 PM

I would really love to talk to papa right now.

Wish I could share a little bit of life with you.

10/19/2014 9:52 AM

Just reaching out to see if you would like at this point in your life to meet for food to catch up. If not it’s okay, just throwing it out there J

10/22/2014 11:22 PM

Good night to a papa far away. XO

10/23/2014 10:54 PM

you’re the only one I want to talk to tonight. Miss you dear friend.

10/31/2014 11:10 PM

Good night love you.

11/12/2014 2:43 PM

I’m hosting a party at Friends and lovers in Crown Heights for a show I’m producing. Just letting you know and keeping the door open. Xo

11/14/2014 10:32 PM

I love Tom and it runs deep. Good night.

1/1/2015 11:11 AM

hope youre having a prosperous winter break. Miss you madly thinking of you often. XO

1/13/2015 8:19 AM

I hope you don’t mind when I tell you I love you, bc I still do, and it’s important that you are reminded. Good night.

3/13/2015 3:53 PM

Sent a letter in the mail. I promise it’s safe to open and read.

9:00 PM

Love you very much. Good night.

3/16/2015 3:23 PM

Lordy Lord I must really love you if even in your absence everyone else is dim in comparison. If I’m so foolish please feel free to snap me out of this. Miss you much.

6:16 PM

I wish I knew if this was unrequited love- it would prob make both our lives easier. I love you and I’m sitting in this love not knowing what is happening at all. To be so open and vulnerable to someone who doesn’t acknowledge any of it can really break down a person’s spirit. I know you are good person and I know you said you were depressed and needed to work on things and you’re not trying to be cruel but I’m just reminding you that whatever you’re going through it also affecting the people (or maybe just one person)that really truly loves you. I’m going to continue to not give up on you/us and be hopefully for some kind of clarity, but it’s not easy and some nights it’s more difficult to stomach. Good night. Sending you affection. XO

3/18/2015 4:52 PM

Directing my actors on how to physicalize being lovers and literally talked about little things you would do, and small physical interactions we had. WHOOPS. You see how special you are to me? Okay enough now. Miss you very much.

3/18/2015 7:52 PM

Till the wheels come off papa.

4/23/2015 4:15 PM

“Where you used to be there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like Hell.”- written by Edna st. Vincent Mallay and lived by me for you. Good night.

4/24/2015 5:00 PM

If this is one sided I would love to know bc I am more than willing to accept that. Right now my stubborn love isn’t going anywhere, it’s only growing. Honest conversation would set me straight if what I need is a reality check.

I love you unconditionally papa I want to be with you. It’s okay if you don’t want to be with me-I’d just like to have a conversation about it. I want to know what you need from me bc I will work to give you that kind of support even if it’s cutting ties.

5/02/2015 11:57PM

good night! Please talk to me soon.

5/03/2015 3:23 AM

Life is too short to not speak on things that are important to us. Please reach back.\

5/15/2015 6:00PM

IM STARTING THERAPY TOMORROW. I Watched “BOYHOOD” today. When you told me I wouldn’t like, I get why, but I actually really did!

5/18/2015 8:00 AM

Therapy was fantastic! I’d love to be your friend.

5/19/2015 7:57 PM

Letter in the mail. Please read. Full of live and truth for the now.

5/22/2015 4:52 PM

Well I miss you. This is an unusual situation. I hope time can make a little sense of all this, and that we can be friends at the very least. We can just talk whenever you’re ready. Here’s hoping.

9:18 PM

If you feel the need to be this way and it feels right to you then I know I have to accept where you’re at. I am trying my best to be strong and take care of myself but this is not an easy situation and I don’t think it’s fair. I don’t know what it’s like to be going through something where ignoring someone and not acknowledig the pain they are in. I don’t know what you’re gaining from all this, or what’s worth all of this pain and confusion, bc for it seems worse than being told you don’t want me in your life anymore. I’m not mad, I’m just processing and being honest with you. As always, I have love for you.

5/25/2018 1:40 AM

Papalote I heard the news. I’m pretty devastated. I wish I didn’t have to find out through facebook. I’m writing you a letter. I ask that you verbally let me go and give me closure. It’s clear that I misunderstood this situation, so I’m asking for clarity. I am very hurt by your actions.

10:17 PM

I don’t know how to not love you anymore. You are a coward.

 

About Karen Joy Pangantihon

Karen Joy Pangantihon is a Filipina American multidisciplinary artist and performer based in NYC. A member of Actors Equity Association, Karen has performed in The National tour of “Seussical, the Musical” and regional shows such as “The Who’s Tommy” in Asbury Park. Karen has been in Jana Lynn Umipig’s “The Journey of a Brown Girl”, a theatrical movement exploring the Pinay experience, and has created work for and performed in “Raised Pinay”, a theatre piece that has raised funds for Roots of Health, an organization that helps share awareness and support for sexual and reproductive rights in the Philippines. Karen has poetry published in Elastic Magazine. Karen is a proud New Yorker and a “Maarte Chonga” from Miami, Florida, currently making art out of her life, which includes teaching music and improve to young adults with disabilities. Founder of Cinephiles Club, co-host of podcast “Cinema Therapy.” IG: @KJPANGANTIHON